When you have a goal, reach for it.  Paul Mason of the UK at one point aspired to be the world's fattest man.  Today, he can check that box off on his to do list because, at 980 pounds, he has now realized his dream.  Congratulations, Paul, that 20,000 calorie-a-day diet has done wonders for your figure.  Not to mention the steady workout regimen of PlayStation and television all day long. 

I'll bet those 7 folks it takes to get you bathed, fed, and watered are super excited that they have a job working for such a successful human being as yourself.  And I'm sure that the taxpayers in the UK are just as stoked about providing you with about $176,000 so you can sit on your fat ass and eat twinkies. Keep living that dream for the next couple of months until your heart gives out, buddy.

Come on dude, give us a fucking break.