Jesus Tap Dancing Christ! How, how, one more for emphasis, how the fuck did this movie get made? I often find myself asking that question. But, this one… really? Not only did it get made, it turns out this is just #1 of 2. I get it, everyone has a dream. Mine is to own a zombie-proof fortress full of happily stoned monkeys run by little people. Totally normal, I know. Dr. Heiter, the mad scientist of this film has a dream to connect three people ass to mouth, forming a human centipede. WHO THE FUCK THINKS OF THIS? That's about the only question I have about The Human Centipede that can actually be answered. Tom Six wrote and directed this masterpiece of awful which was recently reviewed by none other than good ole' Roger Ebert.

I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine.

That seems pretty accurate.

And now, here is why I absolutely adore YouTube comments: “This movie makes no sense. I mean why wouldn't you put the hot chick in the front, so you could at least have the centipede blow you?”

Thanks to Scotti Lugnuts, the man who once raced his own tire down the street.