Instead of Hitting the Brake I Hit the...

Don't keep us waiting... what the fuck happened?

via BuzzFeed

Man Witnesses iPhone Theft and Shoots at Thieves

48-year-old Roger Witter witnessed two men steal multiple iPhones from an AT&T store in Gresham, Oregon. Instead of calling the cops, Witter pulled his piece and started firing at the fleeing thieves' car tires. The two rounds he managed to fire, missed his target, ending up in the bumper of the car.

It is important to remember that no matter how frustrated one may be with crime and the criminal justice system, it is not permissible to use deadly force in this type of situation, Gresham Sgt. Rick Wilson said in announcing Witter's arrest. Those two rounds could've gone anywhere. In fact, we're still not sure where they went. They could've struck an innocent bystander or damaged property.

Both of the suspects are still at large, while Witter ended up getting arrested for unlawful use of a weapon, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, and unlawful discharge of a firearm. He also had his handgun seized and his concealed carry permit taken away. Nice work cowboy.

via Oregon Live

Nice Hair!: New Jersey Pimp Arrested

File this one in the category of: Yeah These People Really Exist, Really. 48-year-old Allen E. Brown, aka Prince, was recently sentenced to 18 years in prison for human trafficking and running a prostitution ring.

Brown, 48, who authorities say operating the ring out of a home on Lyon Avenue in the upscale development on the Hackensack River, was sentenced to 10 years for racketeering and eight years for extortion. 

When Brown first walked into the courtroom he said to his lawyer, Adam Reisman, "I'm tired of your bulls---." His hair was styled exquisitely, with wavy strands curled on his forehead and a long thin ponytail hanging over his shoulders. 

Authorities say he enslaved women and girls, some as young at 17, and forced them to turn tricks on the streets. He even turned some into drug addicts, authorities say. Authorities say the woman were forced to earn $500 on weeknights and $1,000 on weekend nights, or else they were denied entry back into the house, were denied drugs or were beaten.

Assistant Attorney General, Annmarie Taggert said Brown extorted a $600,000 inheritance from a woman who turned over the money because the woman feared for her and her niece's lives. Taggert added that one woman who refused become a prostitute was handcuffed to a bed and forced to take heroin until she became addicted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... dude did some heinous shit, but what the fuck is going on with his hair? That's the real story here.

Click the jump for more photos of Prince.

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Everyone Knows the Best Crack is Sold by Senior Citizens

87-year-old Ola Mae Agee, a retired janitor was busted in Pensacola, Florida after a month-long undercover operation. Ola sold crack to undercover cops on multiple occasions, and was videotaped doing so. Poor Ola Mae. I think once you reach that age, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want to, even if it is selling drugs. What you shouldn't be able to do is drive a car. Yes, it is true; crack kills. You know what else kills? Fucking old people behind the wheel of a 5,000 lb Lincoln Continental.

Thanks MJ

via The Smoking Gun

Discount Breast & Ass Implants

Police in Venezuela arrested a man and woman for impersonating plastic surgeons. The two were performing breast and buttock implants from an illegal clinic. The location of the clinic... their apartment.

Henriquez, 26, and Rodriguez, 34, are beauticians who belonged to a gang called "The Silicons" and attracted customers with rock-bottom prices, local media reported.

Police were tipped off by a former client and caught the suspects on April 12 in a raid of the apartment, which contained surgical equipment and a surgical table, authorities said.

A deep recession has not diminished Venezuelans' appetite for cosmetic surgery, with many people taking out loans for operations to lift their spirits, doctors say.

Who the fuck is so desperate to get new boobs, that would be willing to go to some shady ass apartment and have their work done? Now a new ass, I can totally see that. I'd be willing to get ass implants anywhere someone would offer them. In the back of a taco stand, sure no issue there.

Effective immediately, TIFR will be opening up Marlo's Taco Shack & Ass Enhancements. Delicious.

via Reuters