There's a new contestant in the restaurant world's secret Fuck Your Arteries competition. Friendly's new Grilled Cheese Burger Melt makes the Double Down look like a tofu wrap by comparison. I love burgers, and I love grilled cheese... this thing just looks absolutely disgusting.
Jesus Tap Dancing Christ! How, how, one more for emphasis, how the fuck did this movie get made? I often find myself asking that question. But, this one... really? Not only did it get made, it turns out this is just #1 of 2. I get it, everyone has a dream. Mine is to own a zombie-proof fortress full of happily stoned monkeys run by little people. Totally normal, I know. Dr. Heiter, the mad scientist of this film has a dream to connect three people ass to mouth, forming a human centipede. WHO THE FUCK THINKS OF THIS? That's about the only question I have about The Human Centipede that can actually be answered. Tom Six wrote and directed this masterpiece of awful which was recently reviewed by none other than good ole' Roger Ebert.
I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine.
That seems pretty accurate.
And now, here is why I absolutely adore YouTube comments: "This movie makes no sense. I mean why wouldn't you put the hot chick in the front, so you could at least have the centipede blow you?"
Thanks to Scotti Lugnuts, the man who once raced his own tire down the street.
How can you cut down on that very little bit of exercise you normally get? I'm talking about the time when you're taking the frozen meal from the freezer to the microwave. Someone has finally removed all that unnecessary travel with the USB powered microwave. Just imagine being able to eat shitty pasta without ever leaving your desk! Currently just a concept, the BrainWave would have meals specifically made for the unit. Each different type of meal would have a utensil embedded with an RFID tag, that when scanned notifies the microwave how long to cook the "food."
Tuesday, June 22, 2010 at 11:00AM 
